As we journey through life we all take on identities along the way. Some of these identities empower us whilst others dis-empower.
Throughout my life a have played different identities. At school I was known as the 'quiet one'. This identify was given to me, because I took time to get to know people. You see I was use to learning 'how to fit in'. Being quiet allows us to observe and choose how to respond with the different characters and identities floating around in life. I was not intentionally quiet, and did not choose to 'be the quiet one'. From a young age I was observant and responded to the people around me. If this means I ended being seen as the quiet one then it gave permission to the 'loud ones', to just be loud and center of attention. When you are identified as the quiet one, it does not mean that you don't want to speak. It simply could just be that there is no space for you to speak. From my own observation and experiences of being in various groups is that there is an imbalance present in the conversation.
It is interesting to see how people respond when you do begin to take charge of your life experiences through archetype identification. I remember being seen as 'a good person to talk to' to being told, I only talked about myself. Interesting changing the dynamics of wanting to talk also meant that now you were no longer just listening to them but now needed to speak and be heard. This is a very hard transition for both. The dynamics change as you change your identity.
This change began for me after I actively began to deepen and embrace the shamanic path. In 2008, after a great 'heart opening' I ended up going to India in early 2009 where my travels became an unexpected pilgrimage with my parents in India. I had embraced chanting mantra for sound vibration and inner alchemy. Prior to my trip, I had researched and chosen specific temples to visit, as I wanted to experience the power of the energies and I took advise from family too. This resulted in the most amazing empowering spiritual experiences. I had seriously profound experiences which lead, to choosing a more conscious path as I embraced shamanism. At I approached this in compartmentalized way, however I learnt that this is only useful to help understand traditions. Through shamanic drum journey work, I connected to my amazing guides. I connected to the spirit of my drum as Ganesh, I was not expecting that, then I met with my power animal, Jaguar. Then, my guides continued to be deities, which the tradition I was born in. From the beginning I was stepping outside the boxes. I started my shamanic path being kidnapped Shiva and Parvati / Kali. It was only as went deeper into the different traditions that I experienced guides from other paths. This meant stepping outside the boxes that limited who I could work with. On one hand I identified strongly with my guides, yet I was open to the different traditions guides. This began to change my approach to life. I didn't 'consciously choose' to work with these guides but you know, it gave me 'spiritual street cred' so to speak. It was this than gave me to begin to step out of my comfort zones. I was constantly walking between ordinary and non-ordinary reality.
Identity Changes Behaviour
Taking this path is what began to empower me to move through the part of me that was living a conditioned life. For me It was much easier to get lost in spiritual realms than navigate the complications of human lies. It's a form of escapism until you arrive at place you the outside has to change too.
Once I started to face my inner truths, it had to be seen on the outside. This meant the 'quiet one' had to start speaking the truth. Not always in the right balance as this was not easy to begin doing. I began to receive comments such as 'it's always the the quiet one'. You see having spent most of my life 'not speaking up, generally not daring to ask for what I wanted, and just falling into other people's plans, I was easy to get on with. Now as the dynamics began to change internally, externally my behaviour began to change too. This caused friction, I was changing, and many tried to get me back to 'normal' where I was in "their comfort zones". Fortunately, for me I started stepping out of others comfort zones, and more importantly my own. Walking the path of being in my truth and speaking my truth more had its' own problems. It began to filter through to work, where I created a major disruption, and it filtered into family and friends zones. True friends generally were fine. I walked the path through a grievance, a tribunal and what's called the 'dark night of the soul'. All these experiences strengthened and provided courage to continue stepping out of my comfort zones. You see you cannot have such powerful allies to identify with and not embrace profound deep changes.
This is the power of identity. When you identify with a particular way, it strengthens you to take actions you many not have done otherwise. Though I may have said I felt I was kidnapped, the truth is, I willingly embraced this path. The 'old me' was no longer able to carry on in the old way. It felt right and natural. Being the 'quiet one', was not the problem. in fact it supported this path powerfully. I learnt to channel my guides, privately through holding sacred space on my own and this became the game changer for me. My years of meditation paid off, as the first time I did this it was through deep meditation after mantra chanting. I could even channel any ascended master, all I had to do was pick up an oracle card and channel. Though some friends who were more experienced through working with another or others, warned against it; I felt very comfortable and natural with this. The more I embraced it, the stronger I felt in dealing with the challenges I had to face. The more I did this work, the deeper I began to go into the chakras and the quest within my heart.
After years of this work, on myself, and on others, and dealing with our deepest fears I learnt about the power of the heart. My perception of life changed and I identified with life changed. I was a mission raise my frequency and vibration. I began to identify with being spiritual, shamanic, heart centered, healer, teacher, guide. New perceptions and guiding others empowered me further.
What if our deepest fear is not a fear of the negative but actually the fear of pure unconditional love. You see with fears we can keep our barriers in tact. We can identify with fear. In fact our fears can make us a lot of friends all sitting in frequencies of fear. This is a safe place, when we are surrounded by our barriers and walls to keep others out of the soft vulnerable place of pure unconditional love.
As identify and perceptions begin to shift, does that change me from being the 'quiet one' to something else. The truth is, I can be both, I choose to be quiet and I can choose to speak up. Then it all boils down to whether, or not I think it's worth opening my mouth. I find staying present and being mindful means I can take on what is needed and discard what it not.
Continuous Identity Change
What I have learnt about identity however, is that we can in a continuous flow of energy, continuously changing our identifications as we evolve what we identify with evolves. Just because we choose to be quiet it does not mean anything. In fact being the 'quiet one' empowers us to sit in our power, manage our energy more effectively and need life to recover from over doing.
The key is in learning how to manage your energy, and maintain to keep you empowered and fully present in life.
Thank you for you time in reading changing identities and the power of the quiet one. This is your personal soul story
Joining Bhavna on the Hearts Quest
As I write this blog, I am in the process of revamping the The Hearts Quest, All my services are linked to this and will be made available in modular way to allow you to choose your own life adventure.
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